The ‘Secret’ Behind SELF CONFIDENCE
Though confidence is ideally universal, it is practically not so. It is ideally universal because it can be acquired by anyone in any field. But, it is not practically universal because all could not possess it and no one could possess it in all fields. It clearly indicates that self confidence is extremely strict in its selectively universal and conditionally practical nature. This realisation by itself speaks about the secret of self confidence that it is so public. Then, what is that public secret about self confidence? Let us look into that. The one who is confident in public speaking may not be so in creative writing. The other who can paint a picture well may not be confident in driving a car. Even the one who is confident in fishing may not be that confident in swimming, the skill very close to a fisherman. The confidence in fishing with a net is different from the confidence in fishing with a hook and they both are even different from the confidence in fishing with a spear. Then, how does our self confidence work? Let's start with a few questions and you just see the difference in your confidence to answer them.
- How many of you can speak about the evolution
and development of Homo sapiens on this planet for 30 minutes on the
stage?
- How many of you can
speak about the political situation in your country for 15 minute on the
stage?
- How many of you can
speak about your school/workplace and your roles and responsibilities
there for 5 minutes on the stage?
For my first question most of your mind said, “I cannot” or “I will
not”, and a very few of you had a self-talk within, “I can” or “I will”. Here
is the division of those who are confident and those who are not. Why? For my
last question most of you had that self-talk, “I can do that” or “I will do
that”. Again, why? Simply because you have confidence to speak about it. This
exercise indicates that your SELF generates the self-talk of ‘I can’ or ‘I
will’ when you are exposed to a situation where you have CONFIDENCE to act
upon. You can remember those days in school, you raised your hands quickly to
the questions of your teacher who taught your favourite subject with the same
self-tack ‘I can’ or ‘I will’. Because you know that you can say or do the
correct answer. Feeling good about yourself in a given situation is the
immediate foundation of self confidence. This feeling good in a context is what
we call SELF ESTEEM. Before your self-talk of self confidence you get the
self-talk of your self esteem, “I am good” or “I am okay” for that situation or
thing. Because of your self esteem on the context you grow to self confidence
to act upon. So your inner feeling of ‘I am good’ is the reason for your gut
feeling of ‘I can’.
Now, where have you got your self esteem from? You can’t feel simply
good about yourself with no reason or without any cause. No effect without a
cause. Here is the actual ‘secret’ of self confidence unveiled. You have that
self-talk of ‘I AM GOOD (Self Esteem) to sing that song’ because of your
KNOWLEDGE and SKILL in doing that. Again, you have that self-talk of ‘I CAN
drive that car’ because of you have the knowledge and skill in how to do that.
Hence, though your self confidence is built immediately upon the foundation of
self esteem, the actual foundation of your confidence is your SELF WORTH.
Self-talk of your self worth can be ‘I know/not that’ or ‘I have/not that’
based on your knowledge and skill that situation demands. “I know the political
situation of my country” and “I have the skill to catch fish with a spear”.
These self-talks of self worth is the key player to make you self confident in
any life situations. “I CAN do that” because “I am GOOD at that” because “I
KNOW how to do that”. Your WORTH begets your ESTEEM and your esteem begets our
CONFIDENCE.
Then, what is that I mean to say here? Work only on your self worth to
improve your self esteem and self confidence. Whenever you come across someone
positively confident in any field, make sure that he worked hard to achieve
that level of confidence in doing that. Don’t believe such irrational
motivational talks that proclaim your mere self affirmation can give you self
confidence in a fraction of a second. Absurd! Work really hard for a reasonable
amount of time to acquire your confidence in that craft you do. There is no
short cut or easy road to self confidence or to success. The only way is work
on your worth by adding knowledge and skill one after the other and increase
your value to such a grade that no one can avoid you. Success at once is just a
probability of luck happened to a very rare few by chance even without their proportionate
knowledge or skill but just due to the circumstantial favours that usually
don’t come to those who wait for.
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